Lemonlight

Tagged

I have been tagged by the lovely Victoria Bennett Beyer to tell you seven things about myself, some random, some weird, then you have to do the same on your blog and link back to here. It's the law.

1 - Shhh
Whether its the washing machine spinning (I have to be out of the room house), the vacuum cleaner sucking or the coffee grinder grinding I go a bit jellified when things get loud and have to clamp my hands to my ears. Watching TV is always a battle of the remotes, I am on team 'turn it down'. Team 'I can't hear a thing' is always muttering too loudly. A small mouse sneezing two streets away will wake me from the deepest slumber. Maybe I am developing a rather useless and inconvenient super-sense à la 'Heroes'. Maybe I am just finnicky. You'd think I'd be less noisy myself, wouldn't you.

2 - I am rather keen on murders
...but only the fictitious sort, of course. From the classically comforting and everso slightly ridiculous Poirot/Miss Marple to the gritty and hide-behind-a-cushion realism of the more modern-day offerings. My bed-side table and Sky+ box are filled with death and intreige. I am currently halfway through Henning Mankell's Wallender detective books - I hope that Kenneth Branagh can convincingly emulate the entertainingly depressive Swede in his new TV version. If anyone can I guess Ken's the man to do it.

3 - Gordon Bennett!
Every time I hear the names Gordon Bown and/or Gordon Ramsay I have to consciously think which is which. I then chuckle to myself thinking about either one of them doing the others job. I would definitely tune into the PMs question-time if that ever transpired! Hell's Kitchen though would probably be a little dour and efficient - although you never know...

4 - The worst job I ever had
...was when I was 17 and worked in a pet-shop/aquaruim. My duties included picking out all the poorly looking fish and hiding them in "the sick tanks" round the back. That secret room was like an aquatic  version of Dante's circles of hell (something I was pre-occupied with at the time) - from the one-eyed and fin-rotted to the truly mutant and cannibalistic, you've never seen anything like it. I was sacked for encouraging a family of stray kittens onto the premisis by leaving piles of fishy smelling kibble for them by the back door.

5 - I am very good at...
Stopping the fast-forward button on the Sky+ at just the right spot, stacking the dishwasher, keeping calm in a crisis, procrastinating, day-dreamimg, baking maderia cake, multi-tasking (but then I am a woman), getting crushes, burying my head in the sand, guessing how much a trolley full of shopping costs, trying new things.

6 - Hurry up!
I'm a very impatient person. If you're speaking very slowly then that pained look on my face is probably because I'm fighting the urge to draw circles in the air with my finger. Luckily I am very polite as well so haven't been punched yet. One of the reasons I moved over from the traditional world of print-based graphic design to web-design (back in the olden-days of the late 90s) was because I was unbearably impatient and moany about the whole drawn out proofing and printing process. Now though I can make a surruptitious tweak to an unsuspecting stylesheet and see the results right away. Much better!

7 - Did you know?
If someone on TV is told to hold their breath I have to do it too. I mostly don't ever swear (much), but when I do it's very effective! My head is big and my hair is even bigger so I don't do hats and often got stuck in my sweater as a child.

Your go!

9 reason why I love... Agatha Christie

1. Because I now have an action plan for when I am a little old lady - I will solve crime and knit.
2. Poirot has made me more tolerent of men with moustaches.
3. Because her books encouraged me to read as whilst growing up.
4. Whilst the class system may be a bit sucky if you're not on the right end of it, there is something very reassuring about it in a world of fiction.
5. There's an endless supply of books and marvelous adaptions on TV and Radio (although strangely no really good films - except maybe Death on the Nile with Peter Ustinov and Mia Farrow).
6. Joan Hickson, a marvellous actress, would never have found such a perfect role to play in her later years without such an excellent character as Miss Marple being in place.
7. The other brilliant authors she has inspied and whose murders I love to read about.
8. Because everything's always resolved at the end. I can flip my pillow over to the cool side, lay my book down and sleep knowing everything's right with the world.
9. And finally - the sense of style that is conjoured up in my mind when I read the books or hear the dramatizations on the radio is so kitch and lovely...

So, here are 9 beautiful, slightly Agatha Chrstie inspired things I have found out there in style land...

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9

Jolly season

I have been working out how many days I have left in the office until Christmas - not many is the answer. Hip, hip etc! This is just as well as I have a whole load of presents still to get, LOTS of hint dropping still to do, plus I haven't put up the Christmas tree yet!

Things that are making me feel quite Christmassy at the moment are...

• cold weather - brrr
• the German market in town (smells so good)
• twinkly lights everywhere
• tv adverts - they want our money so bad!
• cranberry sauce served with everything
• Starbucks Gingerbread Latte

Monday moaning

Monday mornings. Totally the worst day of the week in that there's the most amount of work to get through until we reach then next weekend. But then I guess you already knew that!
Whilst at work a typical Monday involves...

1. Visiting the National Lottery web site and buying a ticket.
2. Getting a coffee.
3. Rifling through emails - reading interesting ones from friends - flagging work ones that look like I might have to do something to be read later. Much later.
4. Going through post - this is mainly made up of junk mail that bears no relationship whatsoever with my life. I think a cockroach must have bunged up the works at the junk mail factory and got me mixed up with someone who is an epidemiologist. As well as the epidemiology seminars in Leicester I'm invited to (they must think I'm so rude, never going), I'm always being bribed by pharmacutical companies to use their products in my work. I'm a web designer, I only need the occassional Nurofen and line of cocaine. I'd get my name taken off the list, only I sometimes get cool mugs or pens from them - and I'm due for a calendar soon, so I can put up with it I guess.
5. Having another coffee.
6. Checking my gmail account - if you ever want a long and meaningful email reply from me, send me something first thing on a Monday morning.
7. Updating blog! This is good as it looks like you're busy working on some sort of important work related documentation. Stroke chin and cast eyes to ceiling tiles now and again, that always looks impressive.
8. Saying a little prayer that no one from work reads your blog.
9. Another coffee.
10. You know I was joking about the cocaine, right?

I've pushed it as far as I can. Monday morning is ediging ever closer to Monday afternoon. I can cope with that. Let me open up Photoshop and begin...

List of things I have been doing instead of updating blog over last fortnight

1. Went to a friend's wedding up in Worcestershire - is odd seeing everyone you know from city surrounding transposed into country surroundings. Wedding was lovely - during the day we climbed up the Malvern Hills (at the steepest point found out later). Spectacular view was hampered somewhat by tunnel-vision as a result of aforementioned climb. Need to get fitter.
2. Went to see Russell Brand at Southampton Guildhall. So cool, so funny! I can't begin to describe him... which doesn't make for interesting reading really. I will say this though - the hairstyle he so painstakingly creates before every public performance... that's exactly how my hair looks every single morning when I wake up. Without even trying!
3. Mushroom hunting in New Forest. They don't run very fast so was really quite easy!
4. Went to Bath for the day - beautiful there - feel like you are drowing in honey, where everything is built from the same honey-coloured stone. Must upload photos.
5. You'll never guess who I had in the back of my car yesterday... Audrey Hepburn! Went to IKEA and brought this (amongst other things). It is huge, took up the whole of the back of the car. I know it's mass-prooduced and hardly original, but I fell in love with it and had to have it... plus the colours match the living room wall perfectly.

Bingo

5 - The number of days, including today, until the weekend. Unless I win the lottery.

30,000 - The number of pounds I would win if numbers come up tonight on aforementioned lottery.

33 - This is the average number of degrees celcius it has been over the last week or so. Phew! There is a perpetual odour of burning flesh, coconut oil and barbeque lighter fluid in the air.

19 - The number of times I swore like a bastard when I cut my finger on the freakin' slicer attatchment of the food-processor (from now on only getting shop-brought coleslaw).

17,943 - Is how many freckles I now have on the bits of my skin that have caught a glimpse of the sun.

0 - The chance England has of winning any major sporting event - especially if penalty goal kicks are involved.

1 - Is how many 'Dressmaking For Beginners' lessons I have had so far. Number two is tonight which I am really looking forward to. I get a little less scared of my sewing machine every day!

8 - The number of balls of wool I brought yesterday in the John Lewis sale. Half price, hoorah! Just what you want on the hottest day of the year. I got 4 of this and 4 of this. I feel a scarf coming on. Again.

Recap

1. Have mad hair that desperately needs cutting. Also have morbid fear of hairdressers. Excercising jedi-like self control when anywhere near a pair of scissors.

2. Fell over door step whist carrying fish'n'chip supper home one night. Please don't panic! TheFish'n'chips were fine. My brain knew immediately that superficial wounds to lower limbs were a minimal sacrifice for aforementioned fish supper. I still have the bruise, it is now a nice greeny yellow (nearest web-safe colour would be #cccc99 I would say).

3. Have been drinking gallons of fizzy pop that has since been recalled for having dangerously high levels of benzene. Am fully expecting to develop either some sort of super-power or grow an extra body part.

4. I still haven't had ANY success at National Lottery. Hence, still dragging carcas into office on regular basis.

5. In quest for Kiera Knighly-like skin and wrinkle-free complexion, have been trying various lotions and potions. Had an adverse reaction to Garnier Eye-Lift... my eye-lids puffed right up like I'd been crying all day and night. Have to say though, that for all the unsightly puffiness there were definately no lines to be seen at all!

6. Can't help noticing I seem to have been a bit prone to the unlucky and unfortunate incident this last week or two. Must try harder to be more 'lucky'!

TFI Friday

This has been my first week back at work since "Christmas vs The Killer Tonsils", and I am SO glad that Friday is here at last. At one point yesterday afternoon I was found slapping myself around the face in an effort to wake myself up. Thankfully there have been no afternoon meetings this week - they are always a surefire way of curing insomnia at the best of times.

Things I have tried in order to keep awake:

• sleeping (not enough hours in day. Plus I think it is a sackable offence to fall asleep 'on the job'.)
• espresso-based coffees (expensive, plus I think I must be immune... still feel tired)
• fresh air (now I'm cold AND tired)
• excercise (I am taking plenty of walks to aforementioned coffee shop. Note: it IS possible to sleep and walk at same time)
• stimulating activities/environment (everything in this office is a shade of beige - as is my job)

Things I may have to consider if I'm caught napping whilst computer boots up (again):

• drugs (although I would have thought being smacked off my tits on whizz would be somehow a worse offence than nodding off in a boring meeting)
• going to bed before I get up (maybe if I do a full 30 hour sleep and miss out on a day of my life I will never be tired again... but I might miss something cool)
• matchsticks under eyelids (ok, does this work? If they are unused matches is there any danger of eyeballs catching fire?)
• get a more interesting and stimulating job (that sounds like hard work though...)

Never has a list started with such promise and ended with such disappointment

I think I'm in for an interesting nights sleep. I have just read the side of the cough medecine I've brought - possible side-effects include...

• drowsiness
• elation
• depression
• irritability
• nightmares

Obviously it's fingers-crossed for 1 and 2. Think I'll pass on the rest!

Postcard from the edge (of the world)

Did I mention that I wasn't going to be around for a while? I'm back after a fortnight holidaying in Cornwall. Coming back has made me realise a few things...

1) A 'wi-fi hot-spot' means nada to your average 'Cornish cream tea' vendor

2) I'm much more 'citified' than I think I am, exemplified specifically in my quizzing of 'Cornish cream tea' vendors as to exactlly how they make their coffee (is a freshly ground, espresso-based latte with an extra shot too much to ask in the middle of nowhere)?

3) Two weeks of living next to a beach consisting of miles of clean sand, crashing surf, a bar ON the beach blasting out cool tunes and serving cold beer, is not long enough!

4) For the last fortnight I have only had access to FOUR tv channles. You would not believe some of the crap stuff I have watched. Happily more interesting activities were pursued as an alternative to having Sky+, such as; eating pasties; squeezing the car up roads built originally for one horse to pass by a local urchin going to work in the local tin-mine; building up my fine collection of freckles in the sun/wind; and, foot exfoliation through bare-foot beach walking. Amongst other things.

5) You can tell if something is authentically Cornish, as it will have pictured on it one of the following: a pixie, a pirate, a surfer, a pastie, or, more often than not, all of the above. Classy.

6) When the brochure says 'palatially spacious 6-berth luxury caravan' brochure is taking piss slightly. When brochure says 'double bedroom' brochure means you have to sleep side-by side, ram-rod straight all night, not moving elbows from their crossed position across your chest.

7) I want to go back as soon as possible because I had a BRILLIANT TIME!

8) Am currently in process of uploading all the millions of photos I took whilst I was there. Here's a taster...